Divorce doesn’t always involve betrayals and screaming matches. Sometimes, people just grow apart, or they realize they were never that compatible to begin with. Whatever your reasons, knowing when to end an unhealthy relationship is not a failure. Chances are, you did your best, and so did your partner. Maybe the best way to honor the relationship is by recognizing when it has run its course. Divorce doesn’t have to be an emotionally crushing experience. In fact, there are many ways your life can benefit from divorce and become more positive.
You Will Gain Independence
Independence is not necessarily the same thing as freedom. It is truly living on your own, even when it’s hard. Maybe your spouse was the bookkeeper, and now you must learn to budget and balance the checkbook. You may have to adjust to making your own appointments and plans. It won’t be easy at first, but once you master it, you will feel a sense of accomplishment and pride. Confidently, you can say that you don’t need anyone else to survive, and you will become a stronger, whole person.
Life Will Be Better for the Children
It may be difficult right now, but ultimately, your children can be better off after you are divorced. For certain, it will be hard on them at first and possibly for a long time. It will be hard on everyone. In time, however, it might become clear how much better off everyone is.
This is especially true if someone in the marriage is abusive. Psychological studies show us how a violent home can affect children. Even when the violence is not directed at the kids themselves, it still has a profound, traumatizing effect on them. Removing them from this environment will have a direct, positive impact on their development.
Alternatively, not all unhappy relationships are directly, outwardly abusive. Sometimes people are just unhappy with one another, and it’s no one’s fault. As time passes and wounds heal, you will have an opportunity to show your children a better way.
If you choose to stay single, you can show them that happiness and fulfillment can be achieved when you are on your own. Children could also see you in a new, healthy, happy relationship, and they can see the same from your former spouse. They will learn lessons just by watching you, seeing how it’s sometimes necessary to end one thing to find a better thing later.
You Will Have More Freedom
It may sound callous, but after living a life where you must clear things with your partner, you may find relief in no longer needing to. You can go where you want – with whomever you want – without checking schedules. You can stay out all night or pick up and go on a mini-vacation. It may take a while to get there, but you will see that you are no longer answering to anyone. Once you do, you may find that you are living a more vibrant, liberated life.
You Will Be Healthier
It’s no secret that stress takes a toll on someone’s health, both physical and mental. Once you are free of a constant source of stress, you may find yourself feeling better. Science has proven that chromosomes gradually lose telomeres as we age. Stress also causes a loss of telomeres; it literally ages you. The good news is, as your life becomes healthier and less stressful, telomeres can be restored.
You Can Make Better Choices
You can use this time to think about the future. If marriage is something you still want, you will have a stronger sense of what to avoid. Reflecting on your marriage, will see patterns. Anything that closely resembles the relationship you left will raise red flags.
You Will Have New Opportunities
In a divorce, it’s easy to focus on all you have lost, but you can also spotlight everything you might gain. Your life is totally different now, and the path in front of you is wide-open. Encourage yourself to take that path. Stay open to new possibilities and new ideas. Go do things you normally wouldn’t do. Take adventures; go exploring; get a new job; finally read that copy of Moby Dick that’s been sitting on the shelf for years. You have a chance to build a new life and a new world.
You can even start a new business. As the world starts to reopen from the pandemic, there will be a demand for certain businesses. California has a deep-rooted car culture, and people will need gas. You can look into franchising a new gas station for travelers. Ecommerce is on the rise, as is the supplementary education business. If you are tech savvy or have an education background, these are viable options.
If you do plan to start working for yourself, secure the services of a lawyer experienced in business formation. They can help with many of the fine details such as registration, finding a location, making sure all necessary fees are paid, etc. When you plan to go big with your business, a good attorney can help you with incorporation, issuing stock, appointing board members, etc.
Divorce Can Increase Your Sense of Self-Worth
Take a second and think about the choice you’ve made. By ending this painful relationship, you have advocated for yourself. You stepped up and made a hard choice for the betterment of everyone. It takes a lot of courage to start your life over. You can look yourself in the mirror and say, “I did that.” You did do that, and it’s powerful. Be proud of yourself.
You Can Reconnect with Yourself
Now that you are free from an unhappy marriage, you can take time to work on your authentic self. You can explore your emotions, and you have an incredible opportunity to fall in love with yourself, maybe for the first time. You can reevaluate yourself from the inside. Perhaps you have some old traumas that still need confronting. Maybe this is why you found yourself in a bad relationship to begin with. You can finally focus on reconnecting with that past version of yourself, helping that person heal, and moving forward.
This is a great time to start therapy. Even if you are mostly happy with the divorce, it’s always a good idea to spend time on your psyche, especially during a big transition. You may find that, happy as you are, there is an even happier, better world to discover inside.
What if You Didn’t Want the Divorce?
If your spouse ended the relationship before you were ready, you are likely devastated. You probably did everything in your power to make it work. This is going to be a long, hard transition for you. You will have detachment issues that will last quite a while. Seek the comfort of good, loyal friends during this rocky time, and research therapy options. One-on-one therapy is great, and you can also join support groups. It helps to know you’re not alone.
It will be difficult, but here is the good news: You can still experience all of the same positive benefits. It may take a while to get there, and it may be difficult to accept a new life right now. You can find your better life, and with a little perseverance, you will. Eventually, you will see the same benefits of health, freedom, independence, and self-worth. Be good to yourself; allow the pain to come and go; but keep moving forward. Eventually, the sky will brighten.
If you’re facing a divorce, call the Law Offices of Joyce Komanapalli Jones today. We practice both family law and business formation, and we can help with this next, exciting phase of your life. Our number is (949) 264-0323, and we can be reached online.